Girls, what do you do when a guy asks for your number?

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If the thought of being by yourself which is different from being lonely — that happens to all of us! If you've ever asked for a woman's contact info and then never used it, tell us why. Shame on them, is all I have to say.

He said I had changed and was acting weird…to make a long story short, he said he didnt want a relationship then listed all of the ten thousand reasons why… Since then it hasnt been the same. Say no: When all ideas fail, you can always say no strictly to the person.

3 Ways to Reject a Guy Who Wants Your Number

When she got in touch with me, it was the Thursday i. I hear from a hell of a lot of people, admittedly mostly women who are waiting around. And I say this especially with regards to how women behave towards men and treat them like the sun shines out of their bums, glorifying them without them so much as having to date you and put in any effort. He must be really special and I must feel interested in him. Oh he mentioned he likes to play ping pong, listen to similar music to me and looks just like I like them. Oh how great this would be because this whole dating thing is exhausting. When you venture back into dating, you might feel a bit jittery because of previous experiences. Or…you meet someone and feel a bit excited by them and your hopeful meter along with your libido and overactive imagination go into overdrive. Slow your roll on all counts —. Freaking out in itself is a signal that. How far that interest stretches and where it lies is only going to reveal itself in the coming days, weeks, and if you go on to date, months. And then others will grow into something more enduring. The new edition of is now available to buy both in print and in digital formats plus c heck out my ebooks and and more in. When you have poor beliefs about yourself and relationships, somebody who asks for your number and never calls just exacerbates those beliefs. You are not validating yourself based on outside sources any longer and therefore a simple non-act like that is just a nothing. I only got into a state over an assclown who boomeranged me for several years. It made me feel sad because I am not married yet. They were all chosen for wrong reasons. They just reinforced the old belief that no when a short guy asks for your number wants me, I am invisible, I am unlovable bla bla bla. There was a guy in high school that a mutual friend hooked me up with. Me having the low self-esteem, willing to take any kind of attention from a guy whatsoever and wiling to do just about anything to have it, I when a short guy asks for your number around with him. I was ready to kill myself, I was so distraught. Usually, when I have met men and they asked for my number, they did call. I know I get excited when I meet a new guy. Since I have been single, even with the hiccups that have come along, it has cleared my muddled mind about relationships. I have to say I hope my shy nature is not putting men off though. Color, if I had a nickel for ever relative, friend of my parents, convenience store clerk I wish I was kidding. Have I gone home and shed actual tears over said comments. It sounds like you are dating with the right mindset — good for you. It used to really annoy me too. When they stop asking, you realise that everyone just thinks you are un-marry-able, for whatever reason — too ugly or too old. But really they are putting their own expectations or values of life etc. I was just thinking about all this this morning. There are no set rules on this, unless he says he is going to call a certain day…. Recently, I was getting anxious because it had been five days since he called. I stressed, I got grumpy, felt rejected and had my finger on the flush button without even talking to him. The guy friend who introduced us suggested I just call him and feel it out. I stressed over this too, fearing rejection. Finally I did leave him a message that I felt like I was getting mixed messages from him and could we talk. Then he invited me over for dinner…. Both of us being guarded came across as indifference. In this instance, I realized how futile it was to sit and simmer in my fears, so I stuck my neck out a little and instead of just sitting and waiting, waiting and waiting and freakin myself out I decided to take part in deciding the pace and communicated like an adult. Once I wrapped my head around it I thought…just call him and find out…. Besides what was the worst that could happen. It helps to learn how to enjoy the experience of dating instead of viewing it as a hostile game. Take your time and smell the roses along the way…. If you come into it with negative beliefs you will most likely have a negative experience. I have keep reminding myself of this when I start to flounder a little. Nat, Once again you are spot on. I find this behavior to be especially true of women who have not been in a relationship for long periods of time, and who are both horny and lonely. I told him to go for it, thanked him for being upfront and honest, and wished him all the best. I then made plans to meet some friends both guys and gals for dinner in the city. It could not have come at a better time for me. I went on a second date with a guy yesterday, and I like him quite a bit. This post was exactly what I needed to slap some sense into me at this very moment. Super post as always, Nat, and totally on the money. We do future-fake ourselves, and we do ignore our own internal red flags just as much as we ignore those in others. My issue is with friends rather than family as well. Bri I would suggest to you and to to others that if dating causes anxiety and heart palpitations you may not be ready for it. To get over a relationship and move on takes more than a few weeks and a new man. All that happens is you take the baggage from the previous relationship and move it to the next one, and the next one, and the baggage gets bigger and bigger until you implode. All the stuff about this man being super attractive etc you said about the last one. I understand the urge to do it because it seems so painful to be on your own. If I could turn back time the one thing I would change is to give myself some breathing space between relationships. I do love your comments — people would do themselves a huge favour by heeding your very level-headed advice. This is another superb blog, Natalie. Many, many thanks, and congratulations on notching up 6 successful years of Baggage Reclaim — proof, though none is needed, that your work is much-needed and much-appreciated by your readers. I do not agree that if you have anxiety, you are not ready. I tend to anxious in dating in general, and the way I w ork on getting better is to feel it and work on why itis happening. If I were to wait, I would never date anyone I even remotely like. So I tell myself all of the stuff in the entry and that I am ok no matter what. To blanket say any anxiety means no dating does not work. Prior to the dates, I feel great about myself. I was just wondering the other day where you were Bri. Take everything Natalie has talked about, truly loving yourself first and knowing your self esteem is high enough to make good decisions for you, and run with that. Not run immediately to another man. My online profile was up for a day before I realized I was having massive anxiety about it. Besides I really like being on my own. I just learned another lesson about trusting my judgment, self-esteem, and slowing my roll. I just about jumped the tracks though. Hi Bri: ditto what everyone else said. I want to jump in and rescue you, but you have to rescue yourself. I have a pretty cousin who could never go a day without having a guy in play. I tried to grit my teeth and be alone as if it were surviving banishment and hated it; I tried relationships that gave me nervous breakdowns from the get-go. Only now pushing forty do I realize how there is no avoiding learning to love yourself and enjoy being who you are independently. The last question Magnolia posted above for you is a good one to contemplate, and one that I was just asking myself last night. Any dating at this point for me would be further distraction and drama and cause more pain for myself and perhaps an innocent party. I feel a little depressed about it all, right now, but dating to get a boost to my self-esteem would only be a hit from the crack pipe and send me into a drug-induced fog of not being real. Forgive me but I have never understood how people go about switching all of their attentions their love, focus, desires, whatever it is from one guy to another so swiftly. Now, after four dates you are obsessing and preoccupied over some other guy, really. I do regret it, not least because I came off worse a number of times. No asking for my number, but he has expressed thoughtful interest in my thoughts or opinions. The other day he smiled to himself at something I said. I was talking to others; I caught his smile out of the corner of my eye. It triggered me into the obsessing zone because it seemed like he genuinely likes me, and I still find that hard to process. And not only does he like looking at me — he likes either how I talk or what I said. That, or he had some gas, or was thinking of something entirely else. I was trying to figure out how such a small smile could launch a thousand ships in my heart. At the same time, I have wondered if he feels the same tension I do. He can like me — in our capacity as acquaintances — without me doing a thing. I now look forward to the same kind of interest and warmth from others; men and women. The above experience helped me notice today when one of my female colleagues seemed genuinely, warmly happy to see me. This may as well have punched me in the face. I feel like I should cry, and hell, maybe I will. But at least I can practice getting over it, I guess. And in my new reality difficult as this is to type out I am a desirable, make-a-man-laughable, fall-in-real-love-withable quantity to a select few, as someone else wrote here. For the moment, it feels like la-la land. Thanks again Magnolia, and thanks Tulipa. So, going back to the main point of this blog entry, I guess this is why I and we have all of this angst over a damn telephone number. Thank you Natalie for this post. This what make you such a brilliant author, it feels as you are writing for just me. We need a committee to decide to visit the restroom. That was my internal struggle. I was annoyed and I saw red flags. Even though I can rationally understand what self-esteem may be, I may be actually understanding, feeling what it is. The right answer lies with me. I have felt such pleasure in realizing that what would have perplexed and made me anxious before, because it required a judgment call, now are almost non-issues, because I just make that judgment. It feels like I imagine being promoted does: one when a short guy asks for your number you find yourself making decisions that would have terrified you before. Seven calls in a row in a week from a dude who never asks me a thing about my writing which is my passion and professionfor example, would rank lower than two calls, or one date, in a week from a guy who wants to know all about who I am, what I do and why I do it. Sometimes guys get numbers just to prove to themselves that they can. I got your drift so appreciated your thoughtful response s as well as the responses of the others. Like you, I am grateful for the wonderful community Natalie has established. It really is a judgment call that only I can make. Congratulations on your big changes. It sounds like you are making tremendous progress and trust yourself. This brief encounter with race car guy was a big wake up call for me. My head and my gut were not in sync, triggering dynasty levels of drama. I like your comments about learning what it is he is interested in, the authentic, imperfect me or. That can only happen by going slowly. Natasha, we had to have a committee meeting to decide whether to close the college during one of our infamous fires. The flames were down the street, nobody could breathe, and we were sitting a meeting trying to figure out what to do. Runner, that story is hilarious since everyone got out safe. Literally when a short guy asks for your number sat around in a conference room debating in what cases it should be pizza and in what cases it should be sandwiches. Thats why I come to this site. I have lots of single girlfriends with some bad ideas about dating, I get all the bad advice one needs from them, I need somewhere to go where people arent living in la la land. I need some accountability partners and you are all it. Oh yes, this is embarrassingly familiar. When that first started to change, I would when a short guy asks for your number onto any expression of interest and have out futures planned out for the next 60 years before there was ever a date. I put up with some really crap behavior too, because I was so desperate that I was sure I would never get another man to be interested in me. A few weeks ago I felt I was ready to start meeting or dating guys so I signed up for a dating site just to feel it out. But now im slowing down because I think it has all been kind when a short guy asks for your number overwhelming and fast for me so I disabled my account and will wait it out a few more weeks or months. The old me would have been upset that, even though these guys showed interestexchanged numbersmet up with me and I even was intimate with one …. I felt that I have progressed from how I would use to reactthough I may not have been lucky and found the perfect match I got to talk to a few guys that were interesting as well as make me more comfortable and less scared about dating. This is where I feel some sympathy for men. You have a chat with a nice man at at party. Maybe he was just a bit drunk. Maybe his ex has contacted him. There are worse things than not calling. Countless times I have heard of when a short guy asks for your number finding better relationship partners when they focused on their own lives instead of scavenging desperately for somebody to be with. Recently I had dated a guy for a month that was hot and cold towards me, it seemed I was always initiating the contact and setting when a short guy asks for your number dates. I finally just took a step back and saw what I was doing and how I was pushing things with him. And I was in fact, annoyed with the casual way he started speaking to me again. He is not the person for me, regardless of how attractive he is. Chrissy -Thank you for sharing your story. I think we need to let it go and just take a step back as you said. We met at work a disaster in itself, in hindsight and he would spend hours in my office talking. An expression of interest and really I was just a good audience for his narcissistic crap. He made a promise to come help me renovate my house. I put myself through hell, putting my life completely on hold waiting for that call which never came — a good warning sign there I chose to ignore. All the drama now is just embarrassing and humbling. I needed to look at why I invested so much in someone, just because they paid the slightest attention to me. When it went down in flames, I was devastated, having created a fantasy in my head. He was confused because he thought I understood, despite sending mixed signals and refusing to talk about the relationship. Does anyone understand my confusion. Is he making plans to see you regularly. Is he behaving in a manner that shows that he wants something more serious. In other words has the guy indicated that he wants to be serious by asking you to be his girlfriend. If you want a commitment, do not sleep with him until you get one. The guy is just keeping his options open. In the meantime, you keep your options open by continuing to date others. But when I notice my thoughts running ahead of me, I force myself to stop it. That usually puts the brakes on my thoughts pretty fast. That means he still is figuring unavailable and once again asking you to be available and on hold, an option while he is still figuring and still married. Sounds like an invitation to the same old shite. He has lied to you and his wife continually in the past…but maybe he really means it when he says he wants you in his life as an option still, of course. Same bullshit, different day…still a liar. He sincerely wants you back as his back door option. Sorry if this comes across as harsh. If you found out he was talking to his recent ex who is still married to someone else…. Slow your roll until you are ready to start something new as well as let go of the old. I have had similar feelings in dating as you, and it can be stressful. Take your time and take care of yourself. However, I seem to have the opposite problem here. I wish I had that experience of a man asking for my number. Why not just stick to the facts. In doing what they are doing, they are downgrading things from the get-go. This is so true, Fearless, and this lack of effort on his part was the very first of a number of red flags my last ex waved around from the start that I did not heed. Who the hell does he think he is. I think we all know the moral of this tale. Has happened to me several times. Then that usually gets them uppity for a discussion as to why. Oh my, this sounds liken the angry train chorus of women on this one. They always take my number, and many call. My freak outs happen after the date. Just had one date with someone who won,t be living in my city and was full on prepared to have me play girlfriend for three months. I am ashamed at the dramatic ending to our date. But then I realize despite delivery, expiration dates don,t work for me, and when I think of him because I liked him, I say…. Get out of your imaginary interaction of apologizing for you being you, and go find someone real. And flirt city with the world happens…. A lot of this trouble is caused by when a short guy asks for your number itself. Indeed, nature is our most powerful opponent until we reach our forties. She does well in firing up our hormones, reactivating our infant heartbreaks, melting any sense of self we might have developed and is working hard on us to fulfil her purpose. Over the years I discovered this influence more and more on both sexes. I must admit that I greatly underestimated these forces. Keeping this in mind it is not only us being stupid and incompetent. So, ladies, the real stuff, real love not the romantic versions and illusions we are fed everywhere might still lie ahead of us not behind. I used to be like that when I was younger — from my teens to early 20s. I remember that I was 15 and I had this crush on a guy I used to see on the hallway at college. Imagine I cried for the whole day. For example, in many cities, or even countries, the female population dominates over the male one. I experienced that in my home city. Sandra, your teenage story has me giggling. I totally agree with what you mention in your second paragraph. I was out and about last weekend with my girlfriends and a very young looking guy started chatting me up. I had no idea you were a cougar. Natasha, my dear virtual friend. Some of them are in relationships, some of them are not, but they tend to be relaxed about it. Only from grandparents and elderly relatives, who would like to see you settled down. When we met he thought I was 20. But gradually I started to believe he is quite mature for his age, as he actually showed me on certain occasions that he is someone you can rely on in times of trouble. I started having stronger feelings for him about 3 months after meeting him. She looks a bit older, and she is like a lady-vamp, who lures younger men in and then deceives them. Big hugs to you too, and, as a friend of mine said… remember that 30 is the new 18. You know what red flags look like and how to act on them, so be confident and enjoy. It seems to happen around 25ish and I remember my own. Carrie, what I would rather worry about is another thing. On the contrary, I still felt at the beginning of the road, in the midst of experiences to be explored, without second-guessing anything. And even now, things are pretty much the same. And girls adore him: competition is fierce. Over the past couple of weeks I have found myself acting like Im twelve again. Ive known this guy for about six years. We were on a very friendly simple conversation basis. We lived in the same building then both moved out. We began working together on a project, from the first meeting together, sparks began to fly. We always sat super close, he asked alot of questions about me, we laughed joked etc. We worked together once per week and it became my favorite day of the week. When I left, I always on cloud nine. It was magnetic…I just knew eventually what was going to happen. I mean two three hours a s day. Finally one weekend we became friends with benefits. About a month ago, things began to change. If I asked him questions he was evasive. He said I had changed and was acting weird…to make a long story short, he said he didnt want a relationship then listed all of the ten thousand reasons why… Since then it hasnt been the same. I have put alot of time and effort into our project, but its not comfortable now because he only wants to meet in public places as if Im going to be overcome with lust and attack him…. I have been crying like a teenager and feeling extremely depressed. Im going to try to take the wonderful advice on this site but its hard. We were working on a project together too. I knew of him for over a decade before the big project. As things progressed, he began to listen to me and I began to think about what I would wear when we met. There is light at the end of the tunnel, I think. Natalie has created such a wonderful safe healing harbor. Hi Runner Girl, Thank you for the warm welcome. Im already obsessed with this blog and I think I may have to make it my homepage, or make sure I keep it open on my blackberry in case of any relationship when a short guy asks for your number. I actually feel proud of myself because in terms of dating, I have learned to ease up and thats why these feelings for this guy have caught me off guard. We not only lived in the same building, he was actually the landlord. His wife passed away four years ago and he had to sell the house which is why we no longer live in the same building. I say all thiis to say that he is not just some random guy I had feelings for, this was a long time coming. The hardest part is letting those feelings go. Its even harder because we are working together on this project. So as soon as I hear his voice, Im thrown for a loop all over again. Im glad Natalie created this blog, its practical advice, now if I can follow it remains to be seen…. This post bring back bad memories Had I used the hanging-by-the-phone time wisely, I would be able to play Liszt by now. Freaking is indeed a sign that you are not ready. When you obsesses about a guy it means you are not the center of your own life. You already know you are a prize. You have to be when a short guy asks for your number maintenance to the point of being a bitch about it, and do what ever needs to be done that keep it at your above acceptable level. I have a friend who uses The Game rules, he asks out women as a mood pick me up when he feels a little down. I watched him ask a girl out in front of her mother and she approved. Can you imagine George Clooney asking you out. And then you read the contract : looking your best at all times, Italy on a diet, no pasta after 12 pm, no chit-chat about commitment or where the relationship is going to and no life of your own. After a while, you might say — why did I ever gave you my number. Artemisia, I love your comment. The gossip girl and Leo had a European summer romance in Europe arranged by his agent. Then again if I was 20 something and Leo asked me out, I would ignore his dating history, all the red-flags, and have a wonderful time in Italy. All that food and drink will help you silence those niggling thoughts that he is playing you. I wonder if Gossip Girl has read the Valley of the Dolls. One of my friends chats up women, despite the fact that he is in a relationship because he needs to check if he still attractive to the opposite sex. Now he says he can flirt with women more easily now that he is in a relationship as he is relaxed and secure that he has a woman at home who loves him. He gets their when a short guy asks for your number and never calls them. I usually when a short guy asks for your number at him, but he is the first to tell any woman who asks if the guy she is dating is having fun or he is being serious. I remind them that neither Gisele Bundchen or Bar Refaeli could get his ass to the altar. I decided to go to a therapist a few years ago and got there early one day. Luckily, I had a book with me. That book was Valley Of The Dolls. Ah the hard life of an avoidant -attachment style millionaire modeliser. I am quite familiar with the relationship the avoidant -attachment style bloke. Thank heaven for therapy, as now they I can smell their bull after a few breaths, and they no longer awake my anxiety. Once back, it takes them 1 minute start to feel engulfed by your mere presence. With me it was shame and guilt about my own mess that kept me attached to a series of men making me feel bad for being in love with people who could not offer true intimacy. And me with my own pasta machine. I do it deliberately, and I stand by and watch it, and then I have an almighty laugh at myself. And then I come away, usually quite sobered. I think George makes them sign gagging contracts. I remember a guy I went out with, long time ago, I got so high after he asked me out, he looked like prince charming, I floated for a while. He turned out to be the most malignant-craven passive-aggressive man I had ever be out with. I am under a lot of pressure from my parents to get married I am only 25but never my sister who has had a steady boyfriend for the last four years and my brother who has had the same girlfriend for 9 years. Anyways, I find the phone number to mean nothing at this point. If he does not call within the first few days, I am pretty sure he is not interested. If he calls after that, I am not interested because he is only looking for one thing. I totally agree with your take on calling. Isabella, my take is that the guys handing out their numbers are the lazy ones. Heres a question I have been pondering. This has happened to me many a time before my epiphany, and the relationship has always gone the same way badly. Sarah, Is this before you have gone out. I need people I can depend on. Sarah, just this year a guy did the exact same thing to me. The first time I didnt say anything and just chalked it up to him being busy. I went on a first date with him in which he arranged a specific time to call me the next day. He called 4 days later, I let it roll into vmail, he gave no excuse, I didnt return his call so he called in a panic the next day. I let it roll into vmail again and never returned his call. Unless its Denzel, I no longer get excited over a guy asking me for my number. How awkward is that when you have given a fake number and the guy is dialing it right in front of you…. Im forty one and a single mother and at this point I dont think I will ever be asked out on an actual date again. At the end of the day, you are still you, with your life, friends, interests, values, etc. If the thought of being by yourself which is different from being lonely — that happens to all of us. Bottom line: get yourself in order and the rest will follow. We started talking immediately by ourselves, off in a corner. He asked if I was single and seemed pleased when I said I was. Whenever we split up to talk to other people, or to get drinks or whatever, he always kept his eye on me. Normally I would call our mutual friends and start fishing and trying to figure out what happened and maybe try to find another way to see him again. Who knows why he didnt call you and really its not a big deal if your living your life. I when a short guy asks for your number to fast forward, i had everything planned in my mind, so when they didnt call, i felt like i was dumped bc we were practically a couple before they called me, in my mind lol. As I mentioned before, my friend with benefits, has decided to drop the benefits and basically drop me as a friend. We only talk about the project which is me being his publicist. He asks how I am doing just to be nice and to make sure Im still willing to work with him but its not the same as before. We used to talk for three hours at a time and only a small portion of the conversation was spent talking about work. I also know now that he must be seeing someone else and its killing me. He says he will call and sometimes he will other times he doesnt or if we are talking and he gets another call then I dont hear back from him before he would never interrupt our conversations not even to talk to his own brother …. He is ridiculously handsome, successful in his career, lives in a great area of town…. Sweet Moses, I need to calm down. Written permission is required from the author to include posts in their entirety on your site or in print. If you use a quote or portion of a post sensure that they include attribution. Baggage Reclaim is a trading name of LueSim Ltd.

When it went down in flames, I was devastated, having created a fantasy in my head. He may be afraid to ask for your number because he may think you're dating someone else. People are nicer than what we see on News. If you have to let him down just be straight up with him and do it nicely. I start overthinking, deciding that she'll either reject my text or the date will be awkward we probably just hit it off because we were both drunk, she'll be disappointed that I'm not the same confident guy I was that night, etc. We have reviewed our partners privacy policies to ensure that they comply with similar policies in order to ensure your data security. Strangers excuse: When someone not close to you asks for your number, you can mention that you do not give numbers to someone not close and also to strangers. You will live and learn if it is a mistake, and get a happy relationship if it isn't.